Never forget for a single minute-
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.

Happy First Birthday, Sophie Lu!

A year ago today, our daughter was born in China. And a year ago today, a very special woman gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that she held through the night- while she cried- because she knew she could not keep her. I imagine the next day- she bundled up her tiny baby, attached a note indicating the time and date of her birth, and crept in the darkness of the early morning to find a safe, but busy enough place to leave her. Then, she most likely hid in the shadows and watched from afar to make certain that someone would find her precious newborn. That someone was a local villager named YongFu Ye. YongFu Ye picked her up and made certain that she would be brought to the orphanage in Nanchong where she would safe and warm. While at this orphanage, there was yet another woman who cared for my daughter. We have heard that one of the orphanage workers, or nannies, has been taking Sophie home with her each night. From her pictures, we can see that she is obviously well fed! And I imagine that she is well loved- because from her pictures we can see that she is obviously so very lovable.

Today, we salute these three amazing women: First, the courageous woman who gave birth to our daughter- and who loved her enough to risk everything to leave her. Also the local villager, Yongfu Ye who found her and took her to a safe place. And finally, to the woman whose arms she finds comfort in and who will care for her until the day she is finally placed in ours.

Each year, on Sophie's birthday- we plan to light a candle of remembrance and honor. And we pray that the woman who gave our daughter life will find peace in her heart and somehow know how very very much our darling Sophie is loved~

The Gift of Life

(author unknown)

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I didn't give you the gift of life,

But in my heart I know.

The love I feel is deep and real,

As if it had been so.

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For us to have each other

Is like a dream come true.

No, I didn't give you

The gift of life.

Life gave me the gift of you~

Sophie's Care Package!

This is the care package I sent to Sophie earlier this month. It includes a soft photo album with pictures of Mommy, Daddy, Pookie, and Grandma Rae (who will be coming with us to China); a soft pink ladybug with a mirrored tummy (so she can see just how pretty she is!); a musical toy that lights up (so she can dance), and camera with instructions in Chinese; a questionnaire (also in Chinese); and one of two identical blankets (that I have been sleeping with) so she will know the scent of my wisteria lotion. I also included a red envelope gift and a box of chocolate creams for her foster-parent. The post office said the package was delivered on May 16th~ Just in time for Sophie's first birthday!

Put me in a dress!

Sophie Lu YuShan

祿雨善
Lu YuShan

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After much thought and some invaluable help from George Wu, we have decided that Sophie's Chinese name (her middle names) will be Lu YuShan. This name is special because not only is it considered a very auspicious name (which is important in the Chinese culture), but it has personal meaning to us as well.

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祿 Lu means "Prosperity". It is the second element of the five-fold happinesses (the others are luck, longevity, happiness, and wealth). The God of Prosperity is the corresponding diety of Lu. Fu (luck), Lu (Prosperity), and Shou (Longevity) are frequently grouped together. These figures (Gods) are highly revered, and many Chinese throughout the world display their statues or images in their homes. Their importance is embodied in the saying, "In Heaven, there are three lucky stars; On Earth, there are fu, lu, and shou. Lu is a very treasured quality of life, and Sophie is certainly our little lucky star. :)

雨 Yu means "Rain". Since this is the meaningful part of the name given to Sophie by her orphanage director, we decided to incorporate it (perhaps it was raining when she was found).

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善 Shan means "Virtuous". George Wu writes, "Shan is an excellent word for a name. Shan for Virtuous is closely related to Charity, or Philanthropy. It is considered a religious name, as in Buddhism. However, in general context it conveys somebody who is dedicated to doing good for others."

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"YuShan would literally mean Beneficial Rain. Lu YuShan in this context would essentially mean the Benefits of Prosperous Rain. The idea conveys that the person uses the natural nourishment of rain, which flourishes with prosperity, for the goodness of mankind. It is a very auspicious concept in chinese terms, and a rather outstanding name at that." (Thank you so much, George, for your lovely description, insight, and wisdom.)

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I had always thought I would name my daughter after my mother by giving her the middle name, Rae. However, Michael and I thought it was of primary importance to give Sophie a proper Chinese name; and we are very happy with our decision. You see, we have named our daughter after my mom! Lu Yushan conveys a person who is dedicated to doing good for others; I can't think of a better description of my mother. Those who know her will agree- she dedicates each day of her life to doing good for others. While she was "A little Ray of Sunshine" to my Grandma Lee, she is also "The beneficial rain that flourishes for the goodness of mankind" to me. We both love and admire my mother so very much, and we hope that Sophie inherits the kindness, the spirit, and the loving ways of her Grandma Rae~

A Mother's Day Surprise!

Just in time for my first Mother's Day, we received a Development Report from our agency last night! It is amazing how the tiniest details bring me comfort as I wait to be united with my daughter... I think I have read the report 25 times!

It starts, "The baby was found at ***** Town by *******, a villager of ******* Town, ***** County. She was sent to our SWI because her parents could not be found. Her development was normal, and she cried out loudly. The orphanage caretaker found a note in her pocket, saying "Born on May 27, 2004, at 2pm." I was surprised to read that she only weighed 5.5 pounds!

At one month old..."She tries to move her mouth toward your finger if you touch her lip or face; when you touch her hand, she grasps your finger tightly. If her milk or bath water is too warm, she will cry..."

At three months old... "She babbles when she feels happy and has more facial expression. Milk is not enough for her now, so the caretaker adds some porridge, rice powder, and fruit juice to her meal..."

At four months old... "She can follow people with moving her eyes; already can lift her head; can locate sounds by turning her head; is happy when seeing food; and giggles when you tickle her!" :)

At five months old..."She can hold objects tightly; can stand with support; enjoys playing with adults; and the caretaker begins teaching her how to recognize things..."

At six months old... "She smiles to familiars; babbles often; enjoys soft music; and loves colorful pictures and musical toys..."

This is the last information we have about Sophie, and she will spend her first birthday without us later this month. It saddens me to think of how much I have missed- and am missing right now- but I feel so much better reading about her smiles, babbles, and giggles. I imagine what her smile looks like, what her laugh sounds like, and how sweet she smells. I dream of how it feels to hold her, to comfort her, and to see those brown eyes looking into mine.

I love her so deeply already that it hurts, especially today- Mother's Day. But my heartache is a wonderful reminder of how blessed I am that I have a beautiful daughter who waits for me, and that I am, I really am, a Mother.